ADHD & Hyper-Focus - Part I

Q: How do I find the help I need?

(John Wren's answer below. Post your answer as a comment at bottom.)

A:  For decades I've held a startup workshop for people who are going in a new direction with their work. The emphasis is on listening, so people discover inside themselves what makes sense as a next step, and often that's finding help of one sort or another.

Here's what I've learned about finding help:

First, ask yourself if you want help. Sometimes we need help of one kind or another, from cleaning to recovering from a disaster, but if we don't want help it's just a waste of time to try and find it.

You can lead a horse to water but you  can't make him drink.

Most though that ask this question really do want help, often because how things are now is painful. When we hurt, we usually reach out.

Where does it hurt? That the magic key for finding the help you need and want.

Often I don't realize what hurts until I talk with another person about what's going on in my life. This can be a good friend or relative who is a good listener.

Your school, church, club or other organization may have people who will listen.

Another way to clarify your thinking is to spend some time alone and see what comes to mind. Some people ask in the form of a prayer to their higher power or a wisdom figure, and then listen for an inspiration. Writing in a journal may help you.

Once you can say "I want help with (problem)" helps very close, usually in your own address book. Go through it and make a list of people who might know someone who might be helpful to you.

I made a list like this one time when I needed a good job fast. There were 10 or so people in my address book who I thought knew me well enough to know I did good work, but not so well that they would realize the difficulty I was having with my small business and with who was eventually my ex-wife.

Be sure to ask for what you really want, but ask in a way that doesn't scare the person you're calling for the referral. 

What I said was something like "I've decided to close my business and take my experience to where I can really make a difference. Who do you that might be looking for someone like me to hire?"

The third call resulted in a referral to someone who asked me to breakfast the next morning and then hired me the following day.

If you are dealing with a very, very difficult situation the rules change, of course. If your house is on fire, call 911.  

A resource that can sometimes be helpful is 211. In most cities it will connect you with whatever non-profit whose mission is to be of help to people with your problem. 

I had to call it something...

"I Hope This Helps You." 

It hit me this afternoon that would be a great name for a book or a blog.

Here's the blog. The book? We'll see.

The inspiration came as I was thinking about George and how much he'd helped me. For a few critical years George was my mentor. He used to listen to me ramble on about some struggle in my life and then he'd grab a memory or two of his experience that was relevant.

He didn't tell me what to do. He didn't talk theory or share what he'd read. He shared his own experience. It was helpful. Almost always, very helpful. 

George wanted to make sure I didn't mistake his sharing experience for advice. "You know the situation and all the little nuances. Take my experience as one factor, but you have to make up your own mind," he explained when we first started working together.

To remind me of the fact he was sharing experience and not giving advice, at the end of our sessions he'd almost always say,

"I hope this helped you, I know it helped me to share it."

That very much captures the reason for me creating this. It's for you, I really do I will be helpful to you when I share some part of my 68+ years of experience relative to your current struggle.

And I hope it does help me now, too.

I'll be setting this blog up so you can post your question as a comment, you can email me at John@JohnWren.com or call me at (303)861-1447.

I look forward to our conversation.

And maybe George does, too. We'll see.